Hey Door*

It's over and done. Exams and presentations are finished. Christmas has come and gone, and I am now on my way back to Lund after spending some time with my svensk familj and tomorrow I leave for the US.

This picture is my favorite. OG for lyfe

Honestly, I never thought this day would come. In August it seemed so far away, as if I had a lifetime between leaving and coming back. And in a way, I did. It may have only been four and a half months but the things I did span experiences that altered my point of view and will stay with me forever. Another post on some of my favorite memories to come.

Great moments coming from altered plans

I'm returning to the US a different person than when I left. Yes, that's an awful cliche and I hate saying it and yes, I was living pretty much the same quality of life here in Sweden as I would in the US, but it wasn't without alterations and complications that made me more self-aware. They may have been smaller things like slicing my own cheese or bigger ones like being able to legally buy alcohol. Having the freedom to choose exactly how I wanted to spend my time and money gave me the ability to really understand myself. Living a life without a real schedule made me realize how much I like having a day to day routine that never changes and how much I really hate last minute changes that alter my plans. Even though things don't always go as planned, I realized you just have to accept them and move on because there's nothing that you can do. If you live your life constantly unhappy about what didn't happen, you won't be able to enjoy the smaller moments.

Meeting people from Australia to Guatemala and everywhere in between opened my eyes to the sheer number of people and cultures that we are part of. An individual is nothing special. As awful as that may sound, I think it's the truth. You can do nothing by yourself. Independence is really great and being able to do things by yourself makes you stronger, but in the end I don't think that you can live a wholesome life alone. We're all drops and together we all form one larger community that evolves and helps the members become more self-actualized.

Maslow said that to become a self-actualized person we must first fulfill basic needs like food and housing but I disagree. In order to know how we want to fulfill our basic needs or whether we want them fulfilled at all, we must first know ourselves. Living abroad helped me gain a deeper understanding of who I am underneath the Bean Boots and leggings and a deeper confusion of what I want to do. Is the path I'm on really the right one? Am I doing things right? Is my behavior in line with my goals? But in the end, I just need to trust that everything will work out eventually.

After four months, I'm ready to go back to the land of drive thrus and Thursday Night Football. Where I can not feel like a jerk for speaking English and where I have a schedule for every day of the week. I am extremely fortunate to live the life I have for the past few months and will always be grateful for the people I've met and things I've experienced. I never thought that southern Sweden would be home, but Lund will always have a special place in my heart.

While I am ready to go, I don't want to leave the person I am here behind. We become different people when we move and must trust that the best versions of ourselves are still to come. Every experience alters us in a new way and the best ones we take with us forever. With that being said, I can only trust that I bring the good aspects of my character in Lund back with me to Denver and not pack the bad ones in my suitcase.


So Lund and Sweden, this isn't a goodbye but a "see you soon." I'll be back. I'll be a different person when I return but I'll come back for your fresh sil, fika, schnapps, lake skating, and some 3pm sunsets.

Vi ses snart,

Em

*Hej då på svenska means goodbye. A little play on words because who doesn't enjoy a good pun?

Goteborg and Stockholm

Stortorget, Stockholm

It’s now the middle of December. It’s cold, rainy, and gray and slightly miserable. My coffee consumption has increased tenfold and I now resemble Lorelai Gilmore the majority of time. However, the short days and long nights and cold weather haven’t stopped me from finishing up my travels. I’ve spent the past two weekends travelling to Sweden’s two largest cities that together are about the size of the metro Denver area. Goteborg I did alone for a day or so and Stockholm I did with a couple of friends for a long weekend. The Christmas markets were open in both cities and everything was decorated and it was beautiful. 

Goteborg was a ton of fun. It was cold, rainy, and windy but it didn’t stop me from walking literally

everywhere and wondering around the city. It was the first trip that I’ve taken where I was alone and not planning on meeting anyone which was a little odd at first but ended up being extremely refreshing. There was no pressure on doing things and nobody made fun of me for wearing my Bean Boots or liking the smell of the fish market. It smelled like low tide and fresh fish and it was beautiful, very ocean like.

I came in with few plans as what I wanted to do or see and I believe it worked out for the best. although I’m still disappointed that I didn’t make it to Liseberg, the amusement park/ Christmas market, or the archipelago outside of town, I enjoyed the city and it’s probably one of my favorite places I’ve been. As nice as it was in winter, I’d love to go back in summer and actually enjoy myself a little more. Walking around and actually seeing the city move fluidly around me was such a change of pace from Lund where there’s so few people and cars and things going on and it takes 30 minutes to see the entire town. 

Goteborg

The week between was filled with class and work until Thursday when I went to a workers’ sittning at my nation. They held it for everyone who had worked at least three times and even though I was the only non-Swede there it was super fun, and free which made it better. I skipped the club after since I was exhausted and had a 5:30 train the next morning to go to Stockholm.

I got into Stockholm at 11 the next morning after the train ride from hell. I woke up that morning still recovering from the night before and the train was freezing and got stuck so I could only doze and not sleep. My exhaustion was alright though since Stockholm was beautiful and the sun was shining, which I didn’t know was possible for Sweden in December. I met up with a friend from DU and Lund and we went over to Vasamuseet and walked around Stockholm to some Christmas markets and other random things, just wandering until we decided to go back to our hostel. 

The new members of ABBA

Saturday we set out early to go watch the changing of the guard and to see the ABBA museum. The changing of the guard was absolutely freezing and we left early since we couldn’t see a lot. It took a while to walk to the museum but it was sunny again so we took our time. The ABBA museum was fantastic, they had all of their costumes, a piano from one of their houses, and it was so interactive. 10/10 would recommend and I’ve had Dancing Queen stuck in my head for three days. I could go on for days about how great it was but I'll save everyone the misery.

When we got back, we decided to go on a Tinder date. The night began with us sitting at a bar in Gamla Stan and ended over by the university. It was completely random and so much fun since there were two of us and three of them. We just talked forever and except for the fact that they wanted to talk politics it was so nice since there were no strings attached and I didn’t have to worry about impressing them since I won’t see them ever again. I would definitely do something like that again since I got to see a new part of the city and talk to people that were curious about the US.

Smiling because life is magical

Sunday morning we woke up late and went to walk around Sodermalm, a neighborhood in the southern part of Stockholm. It’s an up and coming area with all of these interesting shops and things so it was fun to walk around even though it was absolutely freezing. We got a little lost walking around but it was a great way to see yet another part of Stockholm since it’s so diverse. After walking back through Gamla Stan and stopping at the Christmas market, we went skating! I think it ranks in my top 5 favorite memories from study abroad so far, right after hiking Trolltunga and right before the ball. They had Christmas music playing, it was snowing, and it was right in the middle of Stockholm, needless to say it was pretty magical. Skating again, even just going around in circles was super fun, since there was no pressure and I could just enjoy myself again. It’s like the NHL Winter Classic, doing something the way it was meant to be done outdoors adds another element and reminds you why you started skating, because you love the simplicity.

Casual Stockholm sunset

After skating, I got on a train and headed home. I got back to Lund really late and promptly fell asleep. It was a great way to spend one of my final weekends in Sweden and now I’m faced with packing. I don’t want to leave and would willingly stay longer but I know that this is necessary. It’s time for me to get back to real life soon and I’m going to enjoy my last two weeks in Sweden.

-Em

Sista Månaden

I’m getting quite emotional writing this already. It seems like yesterday I was throwing things in my suitcase and hugging my dog goodbye, and yet here I am over three months later, writing about how in a month, I’ll be back in the US. Back in the land of Chipotle, Target, and Chick-fil-a milkshakes. Back to my dog and being within 3000 miles of my best friend and family. Back to watching sports from the press box. Back to waking up at 6 every day to go skating. Back to life.

The result of getting lost in Italy

It’s been such a good few months here and as excited as I am for everything listed above, I can honestly say that I don’t want to go. I may not have studied somewhere exotic like South Africa or Australia, or somewhere underdeveloped like Africa or India, or somewhere where I stick out like a sore thumb like China or South Korea, but I studied away from what I’m comfortable with. I went through intensive language courses, got lost in Norway, Germany, and Italy, was confused in the grocery store, survived solely on cheese and bread for an entire day, and went to a ball. A BALL. 

Thanksgiving with the Swedish Fam. I'm not drunk, I promise

For a while I didn’t think that this day would come, the day sometime after Thanksgiving that I’d be writing about my last month and the three months prior. And yet here I am. Sitting in bed at 1pm since I haven’t left it all day, under an IKEA blanket, listening to Swedish Top 40, and typing away. The past three months have been an insane series of events, a winding road through hills and valleys with a speed limit that doesn’t exist.  I never thought I’d celebrate American thanksgiving with people from across the world, that I’d stay out until 2:30am, that I’d drink Minttu (don’t judge me mom). I’ve done all of those and I don’t regret any of it. Minus the morning after my first Minttu.

I’ve loved living in Sweden and even though I only have 30 days left in this beautiful, cold, gray country I’m busy. Spending my days travelling to places I haven’t been yet, spending Christmas drinking fresh cider with family, and getting as much coffee as I can. 

I can accidentally on purpose lose my passport so I have to stay longer, but it’s doubtful that it would work. I can’t prevent my departure, only accept the inevitable. 

Em

Flick of the Thumb

In the midst of blue, white, and red profile pictures, Bernie Sanders quotes, and digital candles lit for the victims of various terrorist attacks, I came across this article from Vanity Fair. Now, I don’t religiously read Vanity Fair but if an interesting article comes up, I will most likely spare the time needed to read it. And this one happened to catch my attention for a couple reasons.

1. 1. I met my last boyfriend on tinder. Sorry mom, we did not meet in a coffee shop. Technically we did but not really.
2. 2. From my experience, Tinder use varies greatly across cultures. The US may use it primarily as a hookup device, but not everyone does.
3. 3. I was in the middle of doing work that I didn’t want to do so I figured it would be a somewhat educational way to put it off

Although I respect what the writer was saying, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to define Tinder as a “dating apocalypse.” It seems a little bit farfetched. Yes, I do notice a difference between people that use it and don’t and between the US and Sweden, with two veryyyyyy different ideas surrounding dating and relationships. 

It’s a common conception of the double edged sword for females in the US. If you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re a slut. If you don’t then you’re prude. And yet, we all talk about the guy we “hooked up with” the other night while the men are trying their damndest to “rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.” Honestly, the entire thing just disgusts me. Although my opinion is very different from a good portion of my gender, I’d like to say that I don’t want someone to message me with the questions “sex?” or “nudes?” it’s a turn off and you’re wasting your time and energy. 

In the age of instant gratification, we seem to have lost our sense of self. What happened to getting to know someone? There’s nothing wrong with coffee or dinner or a walk with someone; getting to know them before you fuck them. Unfortunately, we just want to know if someone likes us or not, the instant gratification that we get from Tinder just fuels it. Yes, I will admit that it’s nice to see that someone matched me, but I’d much rather meet someone naturally than through an app. Ridding ourselves of the personification that comes from relationships dehumanizes the whole process. 

You may argue that you use Tinder because you don’t want a relationship: you don’t have time, you’re focusing on yourself, etc. but does that make being used worth it? Now, I don’t have time for anything other than some sleep here and there but I’m not about to go fuck random people that I find online. But a lot of my generation sees that instant gratification that they’ll get and go, in other words, we’re starting to take the work out of things that really need it. It’s a lot easier to flick your thumb right and respond to a message than it is to actually go have interactions with people. If Tinder were to merge with Venmo, it would be almost like a more modern, less obvious form of prostitution. 

Although my experience with dating in Sweden and Swedish guys is minimal (re: non-existent for the most part), I still see a great difference between cultures. Swedes definitely are a lot more respectful, I can go running in a white tank top and not worry about being cat called or followed, and guys will generally ask to dance instead of coming up without you knowing it. It’s a similar story on Tinder: for the most part guys ask questions and instead of just sending “sex?” or “nudes?” There’s nothing wrong with adding a little bit more personality to it all.

It’s come to the point where some friends and I separate the guys on Swedish Tinder into two groups: Fika or Fuck. However, no matter what group we put them into, they always seem to walk with a little bit more caution than Americans. Guys will usually wait for girls to make the first move and as someone who can’t make the first move, it can get really frustrating. The two groups are usually about the same size too while in the US the “fuck” group would be a lot bigger than the “let’s get coffee” group. If you’re willing you’re gold, if you’re not, then you’re shit. 

Online dating is here to stay and we need to accept that. Stop judging people for using it because at least they know that they’re having trouble and are doing something about it. But on the other hand, don’t let it consume your life. It’s upsetting to think that you can’t meet someone in a coffee shop or on the street if you’re too busy swiping left on the person that’s staring at you from across the room.

Just a little something to make everyone think.

Em

Halfway

A lot has happened since the last time I sat down and wrote a full blog post. That's not to say I haven't been writing but that I can't finish what I've started. Nothing seems good enough and I don't want to post something that I'm not proud of. I think I've started three or four posts that are just sitting on my computer waiting to be finished. This one I will finish.

The past few weeks I've been in a rut of sorts. Nothing sounds appealing, there's no motivation, and I don't see the point of doing things. I think that this has come as the result of being halfway through studying abroad. I'm not quite ready to leave and prior to this, I wasn't sure how to put what I felt into words, or just how I was feeling in general. Luckily, the past few weeks and many unfinished posts have given me a clearer mind.

Since I last posted, my family has come and gone, I've spent a week in Italy, visited a friend in Salzburg for a long weekend, celebrated Halloween, started season 9 of Friends and finally started another class. So a lot has occurred.

Watching the sun set over the Alps

Our Christmas card!

Although it was really great to see my family and show them Lund, I must say that seeing them made me happier to be in Sweden than in the US. I love my family, I really do, and words can't express how grateful I am that they came to visit but seeing them made me realize what I miss and what I like about being by myself abroad. I've never been extremely close with my family but seeing them after two months and spending more time with them than I have since March was a great change of pace. Even though we don't always get along and I was definitely frustrated with my mother at times, I realized how much I meant to them and vice versa. 

My brother, mom, and I then flew to Italy to spend some time in Genoa and the Cinque Terre. It was beautiful. If I were a millionaire, I'd buy a house on the Ligurian coast in a heartbeat. I studied Italian culture for a year in high school so being able to taste legit Ligurian pesto was pretty much a dream come true and I was geeking out the entire time. I annoyed both of them but don't care. 

Italy was warm and beautiful and the food was so good and I'm pumped that I could go but I was so happy to go back to Sweden. Lund is home. I love the Swedish culture and the people and being able to order a black coffee without being judged and eating cheese and vegetables for breakfast. Real coffee doesn't come with 2 parts milk and one part coffee, it comes straight and trains come on time.

I never thought I'd see some small town in southern Sweden as home but honestly, I've felt more at home in Lund than I have in Virginia, New Hampshire, Colorado, or Tennessee. There's a certain freedom that comes with studying abroad and even though I don't think I've fully capitalized upon that, the new perspective I've gained is life changing. 

My time in Sweden is on the downhill and as I come closer to returning to the US, I can feel myself wanting to stay put. The nomad has become settled. I still want to travel but I would be perfectly content living in my IKEA apartment for a long time. And that's something by itself. 

Looking back, I think one of the major reasons for my rut was that I was unwilling to accept the fact that I have to leave. But unfortunately the semester is on the downhill and I need to start preparing myself to get on the plane bound for the world of drive-throughs, football, Chipotle, and Target. But from this moment on, I want to exploit my time abroad as much as I can and be grateful for the opportunity instead of disappointed in it's completion. 

Em 

A few of my favorite things

Cykla, Resa, och Festa

Time seems to just have flown by the past few weeks! I finally started having legitimate amounts of work for my classes and other various activities that have made me wonder where the time has gone. On one hand, I can’t believe that my time in Sweden is halfway done but on the other, it’s hard to fathom that it’s only been a little over a month and a half. I’ve experienced and learned so much and met so many people from all corners of the world that it’s strange to think that so much has happened and I’ve changed so much in that time.

The crew at our birthday beach picnic

The past week and a half especially has been full of adventures around Lund and Copenhagen. Last week, one of my friends and I decided to bike to Lomma, a beach town about 10 kilometers away from Lund. The weather was absolutely beautiful, it was sunny and warm for the first time in days, so what better way to enjoy it than on bikes at the beach? It was probably the best use of time ever although somehow the ride is uphill both ways and we were riding into the wind the way there and the way back. But the beach was deserted and it smelled like low tide so it was completely worth it. It was so nice that we ended up coming back on Saturday to celebrate our other friend’s birthday with a night picnic. 

On Friday I took the train to Copenhagen for the day with a friend and some of her classmates. I’ve only been in the Copenhagen airport so being able to see the actual city was really nice, especially since it’s so close and so cheap to get to. Luckily, it was beautiful outside so we were able to walk around and take a boat tour without being completely miserable. We didn’t get to do a lot during the day but Copenhagen is so close that I know I’ll be able to go again and see more of the city before I leave. 

I swear it's grape juice

Unfortunately our great day was capped off by the bridge between Sweden and Denmark being closed and all trains to Lund being cancelled. So we took a two hour fika and then went straight to dinner at a local Italian restaurant. I was exhausted and a little hangry so good food was definitely welcome. Even though I had plans that night, I’m glad that we got stuck for a couple hours and wouldn’t trade the experience for the world. I had such a good time on the train and ferry back that I forgot about my plans, and sometimes you just have to accept what’s happening and know that you can’t do anything about it. Adventure is out there, whether it’s taking 4 hours to complete an hour and a half trip or whatever else.

The next week was pretty normal, I wasn’t feeling great so I was chugging homemade tea and Swedish Emergen-C to try and feel better. I watched waayyyy too much Friends, slept a little too much, and spent too much time in cafes not doing work but it’s fine.

The dining room decked out in OG colors

On Saturday, my nation (like a sorority or fraternity but not) hosted a ball that they have every two years. So needless to say, I had to go. I skipped prom twice so I felt like I earned my right to go, dress up, and dance badly. The first four hours (!!!) was a sittning with sooo many speeches, some cool performances, a couple home movies, and a ton of singing and drinking. It was all in Swedish so I didn’t understand most of it but it was great to experience a Swedish tradition. I’m only here for a couple months so I want to immerse myself in the culture as much as possible, something that’s really nice about LU and about studying abroad during the school year.

After the sittning was over, we waited outside while they removed the tables and chairs to make the room into a dance floor. Once that was done they had a legitimate band playing: four old guys on piano, drums, guitar and something else. They played actual dance music, which made the skater in me so happy since I started doing ice dance in my heels and long dress. The only thing that was missing was a partner and my skates. Nobody in the US really plays traditional waltzes and foxtrots anymore so being able to hear that outside of the rink and live made my week ten times better. Unfortunately (or fortunately as I didn’t have a partner…) the band eventually left, and the club club started. Even though I set a time for myself to leave, I was dancing long past that and eventually left at 2:30 and fell asleep an hour later. 

I love this picture too much to not include it.
OG Novisch group 5 for life

This morning was rough but looking back at yesterday, I’m content. Content with my choice to go, and content with everything. Life here in Sweden is so different from what I’m used to at home and I love it. The culture is amazing and the amount of spirit that Swedes have for whatever they do is miles beyond what we have in the US.

Anyway, sittnings are super cool and #SoScando so keep an eye out for another post about them. Everything from history to how to survive one without wanting to kill yourself too much the next morning.

Vi ses!

Em

Sex and the City takes Lomma

On Culture Shock

”You don’t slice your own cheese in America, do you?”

“Not really, it comes pre-sliced but sometimes you can buy a block but it’s not common”

“Ahh, very different cultures then”

I write this post as an American, on a computer manufactured somewhere in Asia, living in Sweden, drinking Italian coffee out of a mug from Norway. There’s no question that we live in a globalized society, so culture shock shouldn’t be as prevalent as it was previously. But it is, it exists and pretending that it doesn’t is being plain ignorant.

It’s more than a different language or pre-sliced vs. block cheese (block cheese is 1000x better), it’s something larger than those, the shock is based on a difference in way of life that creates culture shock. I didn’t know how much culture shock would affect me coming into Sweden but looking back over the past month and half, I can acknowledge that it has. Similarly, I know that I’ll experience reverse culture shock when I come back to the US in three months. 

In the past three years, I’ve lived in four different states, two continents, and four time zones. I’ve spent my fair share of time driving and in planes to get to my next destination and after everything I’ve experienced, you’d think I would be prepared for culture shock. But I wasn’t.

Everyone always asks me what the US “is like”. And I never know how to respond. What do they want to hear? What do I need to explain? Why is everyone asking about guns, Donald Trump, and prom? Why do I feel like I’m constantly getting judged for being American? 

Yes, I’m from the land of democracy, a weird election system, gun control or lack thereof, and millions of cars. But there’s nothing wrong with that. I don’t run around waving an American flag, carrying a rifle, and singing the national anthem or America the Beautiful but it doesn’t mean that I’m not an American. I skipped prom twice, disagree with pretty much everything that Donald Trump says, can’t sit through a baseball game, hate fried chicken, and advocate for stronger gun control. The American stereotype doesn’t perfectly fit me or anyone. It’s the individualism that creates its own stereotype.

Far from that, it’s everyone’s individualism that creates culture shock. You’d expect the norms of one country to be similar but in reality the norms are different. Maybe globalization has changed the Swedish stereotype. But a lot of people are still tall with blonde hair and blue eyes. Whether you move across the country or across the world, there’s nothing that you can do to prevent culture shock. It will happen and it’s part of the process of moving. The only thing you can do is to accept who you are and where you come from and put the best version of yourself forward.

No(r)way!

I’ve been staring at my screen trying to think of how I should begin this post. I started yesterday, wrote a couple paragraphs and then deleted them, and then started over a couple times. Eventually, I gave up, watched “Friends” and went to bed. Nothing seemed to capture, portray, or live up to the exact emotions I felt and it was incredibly frustrating.

At this point, pretty much everyone I know knows that I spent my weekend in Norway. I can sum up my time there in eight words: “it was awesome, I want to go back.” In essence, Norway is amazing. The friends I went with and I spent the weekend in Bergen which is a city built into mountains and on a fjord. All of the buildings are either old or built to look old so everywhere you look there’s a mixture of modern culture with old world architecture and it’s beautiful and thought provoking.

Jumping for joy because nature is awesome

On Saturday we decided to hike Trolltunga. For those of you who don’t know Trolltunga is a rock that sticks out above a fjord near Odda, about three hours outside Bergen, and it’s an 11km hike to get there. I am by no means a professional hiker. I hike parts of the Appalachian Trail every once in a while and enjoy hiking in Colorado when I get the chance but this was the biggest challenge I’ve ever taken on and I was so excited.

It sucked. The hike was super hard but after the first two kilometers it became much easier. Once the stone stairs were finished, I was able to set my sights directly on reaching Trolltunga, something I’d only dreamed about doing. It’s pretty cool to actually achieve something you only dream about because once you’re there it seems surreal but then you pinch yourself, take some pictures, and then realize that it’s reality.

Wondering across the Norwegian mountainside was an adventure. Rocks were everywhere and made up the majority of the landscape, something that I’m not used to coming from the east coast. I did slip a couple of times as my boots, backpack, and pants could show but that was just part of the adventure of it all. Sometimes the slip would hurt or jolt me but it made it more fun. 

We made it to Trolltunga about four and a half hours later and it was worth all of the slips, the aching legs and feet, and the sweat covering my face. Yes I’ve seen pictures of it, but once you see something in real life, it changes your view completely. Honestly, the entire rock and hike is surreal. I’m no geologist but rocks shouldn’t really stick out that far without falling but it does and it has for thousands of years which is pretty cool.

The top of the mountain was freezing and I sang “Let It Go” in my head for an hour and a half while we waited to take pictures. In the midst of the rain, mist, and snow, I couldn’t help but be amazed at everything that had happened in the past few hours. I’d flown to Norway, slept for a couple hours, and hiked longer than I’d slept. If you’d told me three months ago that I’d spent a weekend in Norway hiking Trolltunga I’d laugh and say “that’s nice, but it won’t happen.” BUT IT DID. Bucket list item checked off

We made it back down the mountain with a few more slips and a lot more mud but it didn’t matter since we’d made it. The hike down was much easier than the hike up and even though my toes and knees were in pain for the middle kilometers, we didn’t stop until the bottom. I took a minute to fill my water with some fresh aqua but that was it. After the hike, it took us 45 minutes to wash off ourselves and our boots and then another three and a half hours (we got soooo lost) to get back to Bergen. But we watched the sun set on the day over the fjords and getting lost, the mud on my pants, and the sweat in my hair was worth it. Norway is beautiful, 10/10 would recommend.

Thankfully, Sunday was spent wandering around Bergen and not hiking a lot since we were all somewhat sore. We tried fresh whale from a vendor in the fish market, got Starbucks (!!!) and ate lunch at a traditional Norwegian restaurant. It was the best weekend I’d had in a long time. Norway is so cool and getting to see two different aspects was really interesting. Now, I’m just counting down the days until I can go back.

Once I can actually write with some more caffeine and when my thoughts are more aligned I'll actually write more in depth about my experience hiking Trolltunga and in Norway. Trust me, this won't be the last of Norway.

Why I'm Glad I'm Not Skating

It’s been a really long time since I’ve skated. Over a month. And the days keep passing by since I last laced up my favorite shoes. Yes it is sad and yes I do miss it but at the same time I don’t.

I long for the days when I could spend two plus hours on the ice with the wind in my face or hearing the ripping sound of my edges on the freshly cut surface. The rink is home and always will be. But at the same time I’m glad that I’m taking so much time off and am thankful for what I can do as a result. There comes a time when you spend so much time doing something that it becomes who you are, and not in a good way. It’s all you think about and the thought of failure becomes second nature so you don’t know who you are if you "fail". The subsequent fear of failure and the unknown that follows overtakes the excitement of the little successes that always happen and what seemed like fun and enjoyable in the beginning is no longer that. Pretty much, you get burnt out.

The problem with me experiencing burn out is that I wouldn't acknowledge it. Somewhere deep down I was aware of the existence but I would go back to the failure thing. "Burning out is failure so I'm not burning out because I'm not a failure. I still like skating, I go to practice every morning, I'm fine." The thing is is that thinking that isn't right. I couldn't see that my negative thoughts were eating me up inside, that I was twisting how I felt to how I wanted to feel, and that I wasn't living the way I should be.

There was a time last school year where I would skate for two hours in the morning, go to class, and then go to the gym for two more hours of off-ice training that consisted of a mixture of HIIT, dance classes, stretching, stairs, and traditional lifting and cardio. So what’s the problem then? It’s a simple question with a more complex answer. I was spending so much time thinking about how I put in all this physical effort so there was no way I could possibly fail when in actuality, I could. The physicality was there no question but I was lacking any mental training. My brain wasn’t trained to deal with what I saw as a failure and others saw as success, it wasn't trained to prepare me for competition or anything other than running stairs or doing countless burpees. I didn't train to compete, I competed to train. For me, anything other than reaching the goals I set was failure. In other words, my life was gilded.

You would look at me and think I was completely fine. Hell, looking back over the past year, I thought I was fine and I was happier than I had been in a really long time. And on the outside, I was. I wasn’t getting bullied by others and I had friends that I loved. But bullying is more than words or actions by others, it has a deep, internal, emotional aspect. And I was twisting everything that I thought and others said to eat me up on the inside while remaining my outward appearance of being a happy, bubbly person. The pressure to keep up this act of being fake happy and annoyingly fit and obsessive ate me up until last week when I just broke over Facebook messenger and Skype with a friend who will remain nameless (but thank you!). 

He gave me probably the best and worst advice I’ve ever received: “You are not a skater. You are a person who happens to skate. You are more than that though, you’re a sports fan, an analyst, a business geek, a coffee lover, someone who can talk for hours about something you're passionate about...” Honestly, it hurt but got me thinking, “Skating doesn’t define me and here I am thinking that it’s all I have. Maybe there’s more to me than ‘that skater girl.’” And there is.

Before this realization, I would never do some of the things that I’m planning to do or have already done. I’m hiking Trolltunga in less than a week. That’s 13 miles (20 km) of slippery rock, pulling yourself up over ledges, and who knows what else. In other words, it’s an injury and/ or sore muscles just waiting to happen. But I don’t care. In fact, I’m more excited about this one hike than I was about competing in my first Nationals. The fact that I’m willing to risk what could happen in order to fulfill something that I’ve wanted to do, so that I can experience something that’s once in a lifetime, means more than skating in 4 Nationals and not placing ever could. 

So maybe I’m not what you would call a “skater.” Maybe I’m less, maybe I’m more but it depends on your point of view. I’m the girl who will wear leggings as pants, drink more coffee than advised, walk instead of drive, do too much HIIT, spend a week eating pasta in Italy, and wear flannel until I die. There’s no problem with that. It takes more than one thing to define someone and I'm not the exception to the rule.

Skating has made me who I am today. Without it, I'd be another person completely, I would have gone to university somewhere completely different, I wouldn't have the same friends, the same competitive nature, the same outlook on life. But there comes a time when I have to decide what is best for my mental wellness and maybe that's taking time off to decompress and deciding to exploit who I am and my characteristics without skating. 

Yes, I miss skating every day and will until I can lace up my worn down boots and feel the cold air hit my face. But at the same time, I’m thankful for the experiences I have while I’m not “that skater girl.” I’ll take the opportunities skating gives me in the future and will forever be thankful for all that it’s given me thus far, but until that comes, I’m going to continue defining myself in ways that don’t involve copious amounts of makeup and lycra.

Photocreds to Mary Lunsford, love ya chica

PSA: If anyone ever feels something akin to how I felt...here's Queen B with some inspiring words and a really interesting article I found. Sometimes it's hard to take other people's advice but this is really good shit. My "junk food" wasn't TMZ or anything but it was self-depreciation and the article's full of some good advice for any situation.

The One Where I Move a Couch

“Do you like helping people? Do you like free things? Do you like exercise?”

I like all three of those things so when I got that text from a friend of mine, I was instantly intrigued. It ended up that she needed help moving a couch (read: extremely heavy loveseat) that she found for free. So I agreed and we moved the couch. The end.

A very realistic portrayal of the endeavor

Haha just kidding. That loveseat was actually really heavy and not the easiest thing to move. There were times when I thought back to the episode of “Friends” where Ross orders a new couch and has to move it in himself (PIVOT!). The only difference being that Ross was just dumb and ordered a couch that he couldn't actually move and we were able to move ours. But I will give Ross something: it's really difficult to move a couch and pivoting it does actually help. It was a struggle to pick it up in the beginning and we had to move it across town back to her apartment. 

It worked out, the couch is in her apartment. We moved it with a lot of breaks, four girls, and lots of “almost there”s. My forearms and triceps are still unnecessarily sore but it was fun. I wouldn’t do it again but ask me in a few weeks with the promise of coffee and food and I might do it.

We were quite a sight walking down Tunavagen past ICA and past a school. The kids at the school waved and laughed at the sight up four slight and surprisingly strong 20 year old girls carrying this huge-ass couch past their playground. People at ICA just kind of stared as we struggled with the last hundred meters, sweat accumulated, and we were struggling to keep it up. It was nice though, because when we took a break, there was somewhere really comfortable to sit and that was the highlight of the day. 

I really don’t think that moving a couch without a car or a strong person to help was ever on my bucket list but looking back it was quite the experience. For example, I now know that I can carry a couple hundred pound loveseat with the help of three other people, life lessons. 

So when you ask me what I did when I studied abroad my answer can now be “I went to a music festival, drank coffee, and moved a couch”

At the beginning...

Hey boyz, we're all single

Lektion?

The way classes work in Lund is complicated to say the least. Students take four classes per semester but only a couple at a time. Classes run for anywhere between a couple of weeks to the entire semester and don’t end until after New Year’s. So even though I’m enrolled to take four classes, I’m only in two right now, which means that I have six hours of class per week and way too much free time...

Even though I seem to have free time on paper, I’ve found easy ways to fill it up. My homework for Swedish takes much longer than any other language that I’ve taken and my desire to learn the language pushes me to really try on the work and go an extra couple steps. A good portion of my spare time is filled by my love of coffee and trying new cafes. I can easily spend a couple of hours drinking a cup, talking to friends, doing work, writing, or just watching people pass by. While Lund is homogenous at it’s core, the university gives it a little bit more spice with students from all over Sweden and the world.

After three weeks, I don’t find myself lost quite as often although I did find myself really confused on my run last week and much to my dismay had to use Google Maps to get myself back home. And that was the last time it’s been open, Hooray!

While the classes are not serious, it’s so nice to be taking something that doesn’t have anything to deal with finance, accounting, or business in general. Don’t get me wrong, I love what I study and really enjoyed the experience I got over the summer, but there’s still times when I want to get out and take interesting classes that aren’t all about numbers or making a profit. I’m a closet history nerd so being able to take a course in Scandinavian history is a dream come true. 

Everyone sees abroad as a break from legit class and school and so far, I definitely see that and understand what they are talking about. You learn a lot but it’s not all, or primarily, in the classroom. 

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - - -

Over the past few weeks, I’ve gotten three questions over and over again from friends and family.

1. How’s your Swedish?
2. Do you have a Swedish boyfriend yet?
3. What’s your favorite part of being there?

And here are the answers so everyone can stop asking the same things and come up with something new.

1. My Swedish accent is atrocious and my vocabulary is getting there. Sometimes I sound like I'm trying to speak Italian but with Swedish words. I can get around and understand basic things but otherwise I’m limited to:

• Kaffe med mjölk
• Tack!
• Hej (or two: hej, hej!)
• En stor falafel med hummus, tack!
• Fika?
• Ursäkta! 

2. HAHAHHAA no. Sorry mom, no tall blonde to bring home yet. However, I’m not too worried since I’m here for another three and a half months so I’ve got some time. If anyone has tips on how to get a Swede, I’m more than open to suggestions

3. The people! They’re all really nice. Even though most of them are super quiet, they’re all welcoming, espeicially when I tell them I don’t speak Swedish. I could go on and on about the culture and people but I’ll save that for later.

Vi ses,

Em

Officially a superhero but it's no big deal

Thank you Sweden for giving a name to my coffee addiciton

Leave Nothing but Footprints

I recently came across an article on Thought Catalog, This is the Painful Part About Being a Wanderer. Anyone who knows me well or at all will say that I don’t like to stay in one place for very long, that I move around like I’m being chased. 

This post perfectly captured the ache I feel when I leave a place and the people I love and care about but my subsequent longing to see and experience everything I can while I can. Even when I’m my happiest, there’s a part of me that longs to go somewhere new and another that wants to return to where I’ve been, not because it’s familiar but because I’ve left a small piece of myself there.

Stretching yourself and your love across time and space or across oceans and continents is exhausting because no matter how much you want to stay with a person or in a place, you want to go fulfill another perhaps. And at the of the day, your duty is to yourself so you leave, a piece of yourself remaining until you come back. Maybe this is why we can never truly be content with ourselves, because we want our full selves to be with us 100% of the time but that’s impossible because we’ve left footprints, pieces of ourselves, everywhere we’ve been, only to be picked up again when we return.

Is that what I get for constantly leaving? A life in the pursuit of something bigger and better only to realize that it won’t happen as long as I leave pieces of myself behind and opening myself to caring about others? Honestly, I am completely willing to leave pieces of myself in places I may never go again if I have the opportunity to experience something new with the possibility of filling those empty spaces with another person or place.

What keeps me moving to new places is the promise of something new. Whether it's a new language, food, acquaintance, experience, etc. Even though sometimes I don't know if I'm happy to be leaving again so I can go see new things or sad because it's hard, I am driven by the attraction of filling what I see as emptiness in experience or lack of knowledge. I miss places I've been, people I've met, and the comforts of the known but being able to fulfill my desire to see more and become self-aware distracts that. 

At the end of it all, the perhaps that us wanderers, us nomads, seek may never occur or it may occur with a greater consequence than we expected. If constantly leaving one place teaches me anything, it’s to keep an open mind and an even more open heart. There’s something special about returning to a place I visited or lived. It can make the goodbyes extremely difficult but it makes the hellos even sweeter. 

So Much Room for Activities!

I’ve officially been in Sweden for 8 days. On one hand it feels like I’ve been here forever since the days are so long and so much has happened but on the other hand, time has flown by because I’ve been so busy. I look around at the people I’ve met and can’t help but think to myself “I can’t believe that I’ve only known _____ for a week”

Everyone is in the same situation and it’s like freshman year all over again. Nobody knows anyone, unless you’re from DU and you know 30 other people, and everyone is looking for friends. The faces and names start to blur together until all you know is where someone is from. Eventually that becomes part of their name so Kristin becomes “Kristin from BC” or Dan becomes “Daniel from Perth”.

Meeting people from all over the world definitely makes this the most tiring orientation experience that I’ve been through. Don’t get me wrong, it’s incredible to think of all of the different places we’re from and quite educational to hear different perspectives but at the end of the day I’m excited to climb into my sheetless bed and sleep, especially since Europeans really know how to party and it's exhausting...

ALSO! If for some reason you really want to follow along, I’m using the hashtag #emilyinsweden on Instagram and Twitter so click the links to see my thoughts on Swedes and some more pictures!

Kristin from BC, Mari from Peru, Madelyn from CO, Katri from Helsinki, me, and Anna from France!
Hooray, friends!

The First 2 Days...

I know everyone has a different experience while studying abroad but I sincerely hope that not everyone's first day is as bad as mine was. This is an awful cliche but even though a lot went wrong in 24 hours, I actually learned a lot and realized facts that had been right in front of me.

My first day in Lund was a struggle. Struggle city was a thing and I was the not-so-proud mayor trudging my way through one minute at a time. Let’s just say that the only food I had to eat in 12 hours was an apple and a granola bar, I’m sleeping without sheets until I can make it to IKEA (sorry mom!), and that I scared my family and friends because I didn’t get in contact anyone for over 24 hours (once again, sorry!)

Thankfully, Wednesday went a lot better than Tuesday. I finally ate something besides the granola bars that are supposed to last me until October, reunited with the internet, and met up with friends from school. 

I was able to run before the welcome meeting that morning which allowed me to see at least part of the town but didn't prevent me from getting lost later that afternoon and again that evening. Lund has a small population but the town is sprawling and was founded before urban planning existed so it's easier for me to get lost than to actually know where I'm going. Without the mountains to the west or a grid system, I have no idea where I'm going so it makes for a very interesting time and me missing my unlimited data.

So raise your glass of Gevalia or Åbro for cheers to better days moving forward!

Em

Definitely not the best picture I've ever taken. But the only one so far...