Saturday, November 21, 2015

Flick of the Thumb

In the midst of blue, white, and red profile pictures, Bernie Sanders quotes, and digital candles lit for the victims of various terrorist attacks, I came across this article from Vanity Fair. Now, I don’t religiously read Vanity Fair but if an interesting article comes up, I will most likely spare the time needed to read it. And this one happened to catch my attention for a couple reasons.
  1. 1. I met my last boyfriend on tinder. Sorry mom, we did not meet in a coffee shop. Technically we did but not really.
  2. 2. From my experience, Tinder use varies greatly across cultures. The US may use it primarily as a hookup device, but not everyone does.
  3. 3. I was in the middle of doing work that I didn’t want to do so I figured it would be a somewhat educational way to put it off
Although I respect what the writer was saying, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to define Tinder as a “dating apocalypse.” It seems a little bit farfetched. Yes, I do notice a difference between people that use it and don’t and between the US and Sweden, with two veryyyyyy different ideas surrounding dating and relationships. 

It’s a common conception of the double edged sword for females in the US. If you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re a slut. If you don’t then you’re prude. And yet, we all talk about the guy we “hooked up with” the other night while the men are trying their damndest to “rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.” Honestly, the entire thing just disgusts me. Although my opinion is very different from a good portion of my gender, I’d like to say that I don’t want someone to message me with the questions “sex?” or “nudes?” it’s a turn off and you’re wasting your time and energy. 

In the age of instant gratification, we seem to have lost our sense of self. What happened to getting to know someone? There’s nothing wrong with coffee or dinner or a walk with someone; getting to know them before you fuck them. Unfortunately, we just want to know if someone likes us or not, the instant gratification that we get from Tinder just fuels it. Yes, I will admit that it’s nice to see that someone matched me, but I’d much rather meet someone naturally than through an app. Ridding ourselves of the personification that comes from relationships dehumanizes the whole process. 

You may argue that you use Tinder because you don’t want a relationship: you don’t have time, you’re focusing on yourself, etc. but does that make being used worth it? Now, I don’t have time for anything other than some sleep here and there but I’m not about to go fuck random people that I find online. But a lot of my generation sees that instant gratification that they’ll get and go, in other words, we’re starting to take the work out of things that really need it. It’s a lot easier to flick your thumb right and respond to a message than it is to actually go have interactions with people. If Tinder were to merge with Venmo, it would be almost like a more modern, less obvious form of prostitution. 

Although my experience with dating in Sweden and Swedish guys is minimal (re: non-existent for the most part), I still see a great difference between cultures. Swedes definitely are a lot more respectful, I can go running in a white tank top and not worry about being cat called or followed, and guys will generally ask to dance instead of coming up without you knowing it. It’s a similar story on Tinder: for the most part guys ask questions and instead of just sending “sex?” or “nudes?” There’s nothing wrong with adding a little bit more personality to it all.

It’s come to the point where some friends and I separate the guys on Swedish Tinder into two groups: Fika or Fuck. However, no matter what group we put them into, they always seem to walk with a little bit more caution than Americans. Guys will usually wait for girls to make the first move and as someone who can’t make the first move, it can get really frustrating. The two groups are usually about the same size too while in the US the “fuck” group would be a lot bigger than the “let’s get coffee” group. If you’re willing you’re gold, if you’re not, then you’re shit. 


Online dating is here to stay and we need to accept that. Stop judging people for using it because at least they know that they’re having trouble and are doing something about it. But on the other hand, don’t let it consume your life. It’s upsetting to think that you can’t meet someone in a coffee shop or on the street if you’re too busy swiping left on the person that’s staring at you from across the room.

Just a little something to make everyone think.
Em

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