Sista Månaden

I’m getting quite emotional writing this already. It seems like yesterday I was throwing things in my suitcase and hugging my dog goodbye, and yet here I am over three months later, writing about how in a month, I’ll be back in the US. Back in the land of Chipotle, Target, and Chick-fil-a milkshakes. Back to my dog and being within 3000 miles of my best friend and family. Back to watching sports from the press box. Back to waking up at 6 every day to go skating. Back to life.

The result of getting lost in Italy

It’s been such a good few months here and as excited as I am for everything listed above, I can honestly say that I don’t want to go. I may not have studied somewhere exotic like South Africa or Australia, or somewhere underdeveloped like Africa or India, or somewhere where I stick out like a sore thumb like China or South Korea, but I studied away from what I’m comfortable with. I went through intensive language courses, got lost in Norway, Germany, and Italy, was confused in the grocery store, survived solely on cheese and bread for an entire day, and went to a ball. A BALL. 

Thanksgiving with the Swedish Fam. I'm not drunk, I promise

For a while I didn’t think that this day would come, the day sometime after Thanksgiving that I’d be writing about my last month and the three months prior. And yet here I am. Sitting in bed at 1pm since I haven’t left it all day, under an IKEA blanket, listening to Swedish Top 40, and typing away. The past three months have been an insane series of events, a winding road through hills and valleys with a speed limit that doesn’t exist.  I never thought I’d celebrate American thanksgiving with people from across the world, that I’d stay out until 2:30am, that I’d drink Minttu (don’t judge me mom). I’ve done all of those and I don’t regret any of it. Minus the morning after my first Minttu.

I’ve loved living in Sweden and even though I only have 30 days left in this beautiful, cold, gray country I’m busy. Spending my days travelling to places I haven’t been yet, spending Christmas drinking fresh cider with family, and getting as much coffee as I can. 

I can accidentally on purpose lose my passport so I have to stay longer, but it’s doubtful that it would work. I can’t prevent my departure, only accept the inevitable. 

Em

Flick of the Thumb

In the midst of blue, white, and red profile pictures, Bernie Sanders quotes, and digital candles lit for the victims of various terrorist attacks, I came across this article from Vanity Fair. Now, I don’t religiously read Vanity Fair but if an interesting article comes up, I will most likely spare the time needed to read it. And this one happened to catch my attention for a couple reasons.

1. 1. I met my last boyfriend on tinder. Sorry mom, we did not meet in a coffee shop. Technically we did but not really.
2. 2. From my experience, Tinder use varies greatly across cultures. The US may use it primarily as a hookup device, but not everyone does.
3. 3. I was in the middle of doing work that I didn’t want to do so I figured it would be a somewhat educational way to put it off

Although I respect what the writer was saying, I don’t know if I’d go so far as to define Tinder as a “dating apocalypse.” It seems a little bit farfetched. Yes, I do notice a difference between people that use it and don’t and between the US and Sweden, with two veryyyyyy different ideas surrounding dating and relationships. 

It’s a common conception of the double edged sword for females in the US. If you sleep with someone on the first date, you’re a slut. If you don’t then you’re prude. And yet, we all talk about the guy we “hooked up with” the other night while the men are trying their damndest to “rack up 100 girls you’ve slept with in a year.” Honestly, the entire thing just disgusts me. Although my opinion is very different from a good portion of my gender, I’d like to say that I don’t want someone to message me with the questions “sex?” or “nudes?” it’s a turn off and you’re wasting your time and energy. 

In the age of instant gratification, we seem to have lost our sense of self. What happened to getting to know someone? There’s nothing wrong with coffee or dinner or a walk with someone; getting to know them before you fuck them. Unfortunately, we just want to know if someone likes us or not, the instant gratification that we get from Tinder just fuels it. Yes, I will admit that it’s nice to see that someone matched me, but I’d much rather meet someone naturally than through an app. Ridding ourselves of the personification that comes from relationships dehumanizes the whole process. 

You may argue that you use Tinder because you don’t want a relationship: you don’t have time, you’re focusing on yourself, etc. but does that make being used worth it? Now, I don’t have time for anything other than some sleep here and there but I’m not about to go fuck random people that I find online. But a lot of my generation sees that instant gratification that they’ll get and go, in other words, we’re starting to take the work out of things that really need it. It’s a lot easier to flick your thumb right and respond to a message than it is to actually go have interactions with people. If Tinder were to merge with Venmo, it would be almost like a more modern, less obvious form of prostitution. 

Although my experience with dating in Sweden and Swedish guys is minimal (re: non-existent for the most part), I still see a great difference between cultures. Swedes definitely are a lot more respectful, I can go running in a white tank top and not worry about being cat called or followed, and guys will generally ask to dance instead of coming up without you knowing it. It’s a similar story on Tinder: for the most part guys ask questions and instead of just sending “sex?” or “nudes?” There’s nothing wrong with adding a little bit more personality to it all.

It’s come to the point where some friends and I separate the guys on Swedish Tinder into two groups: Fika or Fuck. However, no matter what group we put them into, they always seem to walk with a little bit more caution than Americans. Guys will usually wait for girls to make the first move and as someone who can’t make the first move, it can get really frustrating. The two groups are usually about the same size too while in the US the “fuck” group would be a lot bigger than the “let’s get coffee” group. If you’re willing you’re gold, if you’re not, then you’re shit. 

Online dating is here to stay and we need to accept that. Stop judging people for using it because at least they know that they’re having trouble and are doing something about it. But on the other hand, don’t let it consume your life. It’s upsetting to think that you can’t meet someone in a coffee shop or on the street if you’re too busy swiping left on the person that’s staring at you from across the room.

Just a little something to make everyone think.

Em

Halfway

A lot has happened since the last time I sat down and wrote a full blog post. That's not to say I haven't been writing but that I can't finish what I've started. Nothing seems good enough and I don't want to post something that I'm not proud of. I think I've started three or four posts that are just sitting on my computer waiting to be finished. This one I will finish.

The past few weeks I've been in a rut of sorts. Nothing sounds appealing, there's no motivation, and I don't see the point of doing things. I think that this has come as the result of being halfway through studying abroad. I'm not quite ready to leave and prior to this, I wasn't sure how to put what I felt into words, or just how I was feeling in general. Luckily, the past few weeks and many unfinished posts have given me a clearer mind.

Since I last posted, my family has come and gone, I've spent a week in Italy, visited a friend in Salzburg for a long weekend, celebrated Halloween, started season 9 of Friends and finally started another class. So a lot has occurred.

Watching the sun set over the Alps

Our Christmas card!

Although it was really great to see my family and show them Lund, I must say that seeing them made me happier to be in Sweden than in the US. I love my family, I really do, and words can't express how grateful I am that they came to visit but seeing them made me realize what I miss and what I like about being by myself abroad. I've never been extremely close with my family but seeing them after two months and spending more time with them than I have since March was a great change of pace. Even though we don't always get along and I was definitely frustrated with my mother at times, I realized how much I meant to them and vice versa. 

My brother, mom, and I then flew to Italy to spend some time in Genoa and the Cinque Terre. It was beautiful. If I were a millionaire, I'd buy a house on the Ligurian coast in a heartbeat. I studied Italian culture for a year in high school so being able to taste legit Ligurian pesto was pretty much a dream come true and I was geeking out the entire time. I annoyed both of them but don't care. 

Italy was warm and beautiful and the food was so good and I'm pumped that I could go but I was so happy to go back to Sweden. Lund is home. I love the Swedish culture and the people and being able to order a black coffee without being judged and eating cheese and vegetables for breakfast. Real coffee doesn't come with 2 parts milk and one part coffee, it comes straight and trains come on time.

I never thought I'd see some small town in southern Sweden as home but honestly, I've felt more at home in Lund than I have in Virginia, New Hampshire, Colorado, or Tennessee. There's a certain freedom that comes with studying abroad and even though I don't think I've fully capitalized upon that, the new perspective I've gained is life changing. 

My time in Sweden is on the downhill and as I come closer to returning to the US, I can feel myself wanting to stay put. The nomad has become settled. I still want to travel but I would be perfectly content living in my IKEA apartment for a long time. And that's something by itself. 

Looking back, I think one of the major reasons for my rut was that I was unwilling to accept the fact that I have to leave. But unfortunately the semester is on the downhill and I need to start preparing myself to get on the plane bound for the world of drive-throughs, football, Chipotle, and Target. But from this moment on, I want to exploit my time abroad as much as I can and be grateful for the opportunity instead of disappointed in it's completion. 

Em 

A few of my favorite things